I can't wait to have patience

When I was in kindergarten my absolute favorite cassette tape was "Rappin' Rabbit."  Imagine a really hokey rabbity voice "rapping" (translation: chanting in an upbeat tempo) about Bible themes.  I vividly remember listening to it on the way to school in the mornings.  My mom was awesome to even allow that thing in her car, in my opinion.  Anyway, the only song to really stick with me is this one that goes:
I can't wait to have patience
Cuz' patience is a wonderful thing!
Got have it, Got have it, Give it to me now!
I want it more than anything!

I feel exactly like Mr. Rappin' Rabbit.  Patience, oh such a wonderful thing.  One of the fruits of the Spirit within me, but sometimes I find myself so needing just a little bit a lot more reliance on the Spirit and buckets more of the patience He teaches.  And just like Mr. Rabbit, I want to avoid the work on my heart and just get that virtue.

The latest thing God is using to mold me more into his likeness has made me sing to myself Rappin' Rabbits song almost everyday.

We had a plan.  (insert laugh here- You know what God does when we plan!)  We felt that this summer was the right time to begin to pursue God's will for making our little family bigger.  And almost before we even began we encountered roadblocks.  An autoimmune issue in my body that has been dormant for close to seven years has made a lovely reappearance.  We are treating this issue, but after consulting with a high risk ob, he strongly advised delaying pregnancy due to a high potential that the pregnancy would end with an early delivery that could not sustain the life of our sweet little one.

And so we are waiting.  As I watch friend after friend announce a pregnancy and countless other friends journey down the equally difficult road of trying to conceive, I feel like I am stuck at the starting line, paralyzed.  I watch their journeys with joy, and am so excited for each bundle of God's grace that I celebrate.  But I wish that was God's plan for us NOW.  I can't wait to have patience.

Paul said a rather remarkable thing near the end of his life.  He stated that he had learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  At first glance, this seems to be a heroic statement of a mighty man of God.  But it makes me pause to think all the life experiences that must have gone into that learning.  He was beaten, discredited, blinded, shipwrecked, falsely imprisoned, snakebit, and delayed many many times by the Lord.  It comforts me to know that as Paul sat in that prison cell he had LEARNED to be content whatever the circumstance.  That this experience of a hope deferred will teach me more about how to be content with my Lord and to count the sweet blessings of my life.

As I wait for a child at my home (whichever way the Lord brings them!), I am grateful that God has blessed me with a mother's heart.  I am grateful to have "mothered" over 100 kids in the classroom over the past years.  I am grateful that it doesn't take bearing a child to nurture one.  And although I wish I had the patience to wait without a grimace for my time to actually be called "mom,"  I am grateful that the Lord is preparing my heart and using the time to make my heart a little more like his.  And maybe down the road, when I have toddlers screaming for cheerios and refusing to nap, all this patience I will learn will come in handy. :-)