Not Enough

Insufficiency seems to be such a theme in the narrative of modern women.  I know it is mine.  From dawn to dusk there is a steady lapping rhythm of self-destruction.

Get up too late.  Barely get the hair and make-up done.
You aren't disciplined enough.  Why can't you be so cute and perfect all the time like those other girls?

Rush into work.  Lose patience with 20 sweet faces that are counting on you.
You let them down.  You let your God down.  You are here for love.  What was that?

Grade papers.  Cry over their failures, because truly they feel just like yours.
I'm not a good enough teacher.  Why do they not understand?

Come home.  There is a layer of dust on the furniture, and you can't quite recall the last time you vacuumed.  No dinner is cooked, and even though it is seven o'clock you don't yet even have a plan. 
Why can't you keep it all together?  Plenty of other working women don't have these problems.  

Friends call to hang out- friends that have your heart and are the people you walk this road of life with. But you can't. even. move off the couch. 
They will hate us.  They probably think we don't want to get together.  How am I ever going to keep up with our social life?

You stop long enough to think, and your brain moves to the baby waited for, but who is so naughtily tardy.
The one thing my heart wants most.  Am I not worthy?  Am I not good enough?  Probably not- I can barely handle my life now.

And then..as the thoughts swirl into a full out hurricane of desperation and failure, the smallest whisper calms it all.

My grace is sufficient.  My power is made perfect in your weakness.

Grace.  

His answer to all my inadequacies, failures, and frustrations.

Because my judgement isn't based on the perfection of my house or even the tally count of sins in my day. It is based on Jesus Christ alone.  His grace has covered it all.  And with a deep and profound thankfulness, I sink deeply into the truth.  All my inadequacies are only a speck compared to the ocean of his grace and forgiveness. 

 It is finished.  You can rest in me. 

Sittin' and Visitin'

I just adore company.  There is nothing better than having friends stop by and then them just sittin' and visitin' for a while.  We have had 3 straight weeks of company.  It has been fabulous!

We started with Sara and Kenny McGrath and ended with Stephanie and Greg Brown.  Both weekends were so fun, but I've gotta be honest, they were laid back!  So laid back, I didn't even pull out the camera!  We did a good deal of eating and a lot of talking, just the way it should be with old friends. 

In the middle, we had Justin's mom and stepdad visit.  We were very excited because this was their very first time to come see us here.  Since they had never visited (actually his mom lived here 20 plus years ago- but she had only been back once or twice since and a lot has changed).  We did all of the normal touristy stuff. 

Friday night we went to Acme Oyster House, Sucre, drove down St. Charles to see the chandeliers, and got out and invited ourselves onto a movie set.  ha! 

Saturday we ate breakfast at Cafe Du' Monde and then walked around the French Quarter for most of the day.  We did several things we don't typically do, including browsing the galleries on Royal Street, checking out some antique stores, and touring the museum that is in the Old U.S. Mint, so it was some new things for us too!

Watching Pralines being made.

Mrs. Lisa and I decided we would each buy one of these for our houses. Watcha think?

Mitch had to see Bourbon.  We stayed just long enough to get this picture!  ha!  Not our scene.

After the quarter, we took a brief break and then went to Dat Dog for dinner.  You don't think hot dogs when you think New Orleans, but the Bethany's thought it was the best meal of the trip!  We certainly agree.  Such a fun atmosphere.

We are so blessed and happy to have people come and visit us in the city.  When are you going to plan your trip?  You better call us! ;-)

I can't wait to have patience

When I was in kindergarten my absolute favorite cassette tape was "Rappin' Rabbit."  Imagine a really hokey rabbity voice "rapping" (translation: chanting in an upbeat tempo) about Bible themes.  I vividly remember listening to it on the way to school in the mornings.  My mom was awesome to even allow that thing in her car, in my opinion.  Anyway, the only song to really stick with me is this one that goes:
I can't wait to have patience
Cuz' patience is a wonderful thing!
Got have it, Got have it, Give it to me now!
I want it more than anything!

I feel exactly like Mr. Rappin' Rabbit.  Patience, oh such a wonderful thing.  One of the fruits of the Spirit within me, but sometimes I find myself so needing just a little bit a lot more reliance on the Spirit and buckets more of the patience He teaches.  And just like Mr. Rabbit, I want to avoid the work on my heart and just get that virtue.

The latest thing God is using to mold me more into his likeness has made me sing to myself Rappin' Rabbits song almost everyday.

We had a plan.  (insert laugh here- You know what God does when we plan!)  We felt that this summer was the right time to begin to pursue God's will for making our little family bigger.  And almost before we even began we encountered roadblocks.  An autoimmune issue in my body that has been dormant for close to seven years has made a lovely reappearance.  We are treating this issue, but after consulting with a high risk ob, he strongly advised delaying pregnancy due to a high potential that the pregnancy would end with an early delivery that could not sustain the life of our sweet little one.

And so we are waiting.  As I watch friend after friend announce a pregnancy and countless other friends journey down the equally difficult road of trying to conceive, I feel like I am stuck at the starting line, paralyzed.  I watch their journeys with joy, and am so excited for each bundle of God's grace that I celebrate.  But I wish that was God's plan for us NOW.  I can't wait to have patience.

Paul said a rather remarkable thing near the end of his life.  He stated that he had learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  At first glance, this seems to be a heroic statement of a mighty man of God.  But it makes me pause to think all the life experiences that must have gone into that learning.  He was beaten, discredited, blinded, shipwrecked, falsely imprisoned, snakebit, and delayed many many times by the Lord.  It comforts me to know that as Paul sat in that prison cell he had LEARNED to be content whatever the circumstance.  That this experience of a hope deferred will teach me more about how to be content with my Lord and to count the sweet blessings of my life.

As I wait for a child at my home (whichever way the Lord brings them!), I am grateful that God has blessed me with a mother's heart.  I am grateful to have "mothered" over 100 kids in the classroom over the past years.  I am grateful that it doesn't take bearing a child to nurture one.  And although I wish I had the patience to wait without a grimace for my time to actually be called "mom,"  I am grateful that the Lord is preparing my heart and using the time to make my heart a little more like his.  And maybe down the road, when I have toddlers screaming for cheerios and refusing to nap, all this patience I will learn will come in handy. :-)

Who Dat!

As you probably have read, I got Justin tickets to the first preseason Saints game.  This was a big deal for us because it will probably be the one and only time we get to go (unless a season ticket holder wants to give us seats they won't be using!!).  We had a really great time. 

So close to the field!

Please excuse the exhausted look on my face.  It had been a loong day at school and I didn't even have a chance to freshen up.  It was ok though!

The 610 Stompers.  You have not lived until you see these middle aged guys gettin down with their bad selves.  It is hilarious!

Who Dat!

Justin's Birthday Weekend in Jackson

Due to the fact I am a horrible wife teacher, it was really difficult to go to see family on Justin's actual birthday weekend, so we went the next weekend to see all the family.  Justin's dad held a nice cookout to celebrate all the Kelly birthdays (there are 3) in August.  It was so nice for all sides of the family to be there. 

This was the funniest thing.  Christopher started picking at Gavin by poking him when he wasn't looking.  Well, Gavin decided he could dish it back.  So this started a poke war between them.  Whatever Christopher did, Gavin would dish it RIGHT back.  It was SOOO funny!

We opened presents.

Justin got acid free covers and some backs for these comic books that he inherited from his paternal grandmother.

The birthday children.  Who do you think is the oldest?? ;-)

We at cake.  How cute is this cake?  They found toys that were representative of each kid and put it beside the numbers.  Justin got R2D2, Hannah a doll, and Matthew a Transformer. 

 Afterwards, we went to Justin's mom's house to check out the renovations they have been doing at the house and further celebrate.  The house looks nicer and nicer each time we go and Justin's mom outdid herself with a Mexican fiesta.  It was like being at a Mexican restaurant.  Seriously.  It was funny though, because we brought Mama Jean from the nursing home who must have never had Mexican before in her life.  Every time she ate a tortilla she complained that she was eating paper.  We couldn't convince her it was a type of bread!  ha!  I guess Mama Jean will not be requesting Mexican for her next birthday meal. :-)

It was hilarious, because as we got in the car to leave for Jackson on Friday, I turned and told Justin, "Aaron and Nichole are going to have Jude this weekend."  Sure enough, we get a text about 6.30 in the morning saying that Nichole was in labor.  Jude made his arrival later Saturday night.  So before we even went home on Sunday, we stopped by Ochsner for a visit.  Here is our first picture together.  Doesn't he look like a doll?  I have had a bit of a cold and just general school germs for the two weeks since he has been born so I haven't got as much hands on time as I wish, but I will soon make up for it! 

Justin's Birthday

We celebrated Justin's 28th birthday yesterday.  It was so funny because after we got home last night we were watching the Olympics and the announcer said in reference to some athlete, "Yeah, he is 28, so he is getting pretty old for the Olympics" or something like that.  It was pretty funny to even hear the TV announcer confirm that Justin is officially old!  :-)

He started off his day with breakfast in bed.  Don't worry, he only ate one.  I just put them all on the plate for show!

After I got home from work, we opened his present- Saint's Tickets!!  I was really excited about this.  And he was totally surprised!

"Is anything even IN this box?"

"Hey, I already have a Wah peddle."

Can this face get any better??  Love it!

It's Saints Tickets!!!

After that, Justin had another surprise in his truck.  My parents renewed his XM radio subscription for a year.  This had come with the truck, but we didn't feel that it was something we could spend money on right now.  Justin had enjoyed his free trial of it, so my parents decided to give him this for his birthday.  He was very excited. 
After a dinner of trout and vegetables, we went to our favorite ice cream place for dessert, Sucre!  Even though I am working like crazy to get back in my classroom, I still think we managed to have a pretty decent celebration of his 28 years! 

Disney Love

As I mentioned before, I had a BLAST on our Disney trip last year.  So much so that my newest hobby is stalking Disney blogs and rereading our unofficial guide.  Of course, Disney is very expensive so I doubt that we will be going back to Disney anytime soon, BUT when and if we do, I have some things that I will definitely repeat and some things that I will not do again. 

General
I will:

• Stay on resort property- you can't beat the convenience.

• Use Disney's Magical Express if we fly (again-convenience)

• Eat at least 2 sit-down dinners in Disney and make advance reservations for at least one (I want to ease into the ADR system because we really don't focus much on food when we are there)

• Get there before park opening- this helped a ton with managing crowds

• Use a touring plan

• Experience the evening shows
• Go to Animal Kingdom this time.

I won't:

• Buy a dining plan (unless it is a free special)- we just don't eat enough to justify it.
• Get a room by the swimming pool.  It was so loud!  Even after quiet hours.

Magic Kingdom
I will:

• Try to do a better job about experiencing Main Street this trip

• Try to be at the front of Cinderella's Castle for Wishes

• Possibly spend a park-hopper morning to take-in some of lesser attended attractions such as Tom Sawyer's Island

• Experience the new Fantasy Land- so excited!

I won't:

• Get on Carousal of Progress (I know this is a favorite of so many, but it got stuck for about 15 minutes on us, smelled musty, and was just outdated..I can totally skip this.)

• Get on Stitch's Great Escape.  It was horrible.  No thank you.

Epcot
I will:

• Spend more  time exploring the different countries.  We plan to spend a day and a half at Epcot next time.  I want to ride all of the rides, but I also want to savor the countries.  

• Eat at the countries.  I love the unique food and dining experience.

• Visit during the Flower and Garden Festival if we can.  It was so pretty.

• I will hit some of the minor attractions in Epcot such as Ellen's Energy Adventure, Journey into the Imagination, etc.  I just want to see what they are like.

• Ride Sum of All Thrills.

There is really nothing about Epcot I wouldn't do again!

Hollywood Studios
I will:

• Go to the Sci Fi Drive in this time.  I love that place!  It is just so fun!

• See Beauty and the Beast.  I was so disappointed we missed it.

• Take the Art of Animation tour.  I think it would be interesting.

Again, nothing at Hollywood Studios I would change.  It was great!

What are your must do's?  What do you dislike?